Dear Ego,
Hello. I see you, and lord knows, I hear you.
I hear you cry out in indignance when someone who knows less than you corrects you.
I hear you scream when someone has something you deserve more.
I hear your tantrum when you feel misunderstood or devalued.
I live with the ringing in my ears from the last time you made yourself heard.
I see you in other people, and I hope it's not that obvious in me.
I see you telling them to correct me and belittle me.
You tell others to remind me of who they are.
Ego, you look awful on them.
I avoid people who listen to you.
They are hot-headed and quick to fight and correct.
I see you lying to them, telling them, "If you don't act now, you'll never be taken seriously. and you'll look weak".
Are those lies I see you telling others the same lies you're telling me when you remind me of how she misrepresented me, telling me she'll win if I don't set her right?
What if she does win? What if I lose?
Who are you protecting, you or me?
First, you were my friend, filling my head with promises of a safe life. But, now that I look back, where were you? You don't numb the blows of life; you magnify them.
You remind me of things I try to forget, telling me it's not over until I end it.
I feel unrested when you're around. You always tell me to speak and not listen, to react and not reflect.
Upon reflection, my heart breaks. It breaks at what keeping you fed has cost me.
I have lost friends, publicly humiliated myself, and lost touch with myself.
I've wasted so much time protecting you from others instead of being present with them.
I don't want to be with you anymore. I want to be on my own, seeking the hearts of others, listening, and embracing vulnerability.
I want to be present with those around me.
I don't want to fight through your screams just to hear others.
I want to be honest, open, and humble.
I want to be brave.
I want to be free.
Ego, I don't want to be with you anymore.
By Corban Towers
Comments